WHEN CAN I JUST LIVE?
I know this sounds ridiculously silly.. but lately I’ve been so down. I WAS going to college.. but yesterday I’ve been informed that I’ve been dropped from all my classes because my financial aid didn’t come through yet.. and they wouldn’t let me start a payment plan or ANYTHING even though I had all my money right then and there to start it. They said once you get dropped even though you’ve started your classes you can’t re-register. ITS BULLSHIT I cried half the day away from frustration -.- monday morning I’m hopefully going to be able to talk to a woman that MIGHT be able to help me out and let me continue….. sigh but I doubt it will work.
I feel like such a fucking loser! I should be almost done with my FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE and moving onto getting my degree. but no I’m stuck here in this shitty ass town working minimum wage and DESPERATELY wanting to just go to school! I want to move out of my mom’s so bad.. but again it is delayed for lack of money.. all I can hope for is to get this job at the hospital.. but in fact what I really want to do is just completely move out of this damned town!! I want to move back to Prescott and be with my friends and be surrounded by that nice open culture that is sooo different from here when its only 2 hours away. Part of me doesn’t even want to stop there maybe I’ll move to Minnesota where my fiance’s mother lives. Its such a sweet little town they live in and they aren’t affected by the loss of jobs that is going on. and houses are SO CHEAP and actually pretty damn beautiful.
Hmm its funny to think I was soo close signing up for the airforce.. I’d get free schooling AND get to travel.. but in the end I know it wouldn’t be best for me.. Sometimes I regret not going through with it though.
I just really want to hurry up and start LIVING. I want to sing and be in a band. I want to dance til my whole body is sore. I want to make art for the world. I want to climb the mountains. to TRAVEL. to EXPERIENCE new things, new foods, cultures, nature.
But I’m just stuck here in limbo waiting. waiting. WAITING.
I’M SICK OF WAITING!
My whole life has just been waiting.
I don’t want to end up bitter and old never getting to achieve my dreams.. I know I’m still young… I know I still have to do a little more waiting a little more learning. It just fucking gets to me. I may be young but I just feel like I’m wasting my time..
I want to get out and get going. I want to fucking live.
